For N
I
This is built of a random joke
In which my name is misnamed but we love
And here I am, all things and a bit more.
A bit of spines, a bit of laughs, a bit of confused moments
And all of love.
If I were a plant that could sit still, in
Facing sunshine on your window lintel
Watch you smile and laugh as the screen blares images
Of a family far different from what we have known.
I know there are moments in which love like dew flutters
Down from the heaven, to give us that sweet memory
Of water, of hope, of spring. How even with
A body that cannot be grasped without bleeding we are loved.
As plants go, I would place myself in a vase and send me to you
Green and steady, for sunshine and loving
And if I grow, to be bigger and more endearing
Incapable of being overlooked or forgotten
I want to remind you of the hills and the butterflies
Of a garden of roses in bloom
Of your home
Of every memory of sweetness
Of every shade of love.
II
To be a god of small things
To break every yoke canvassing for my oblivion
And to love.
I want to be tender, always, with you
To be a cool walk on the steps of a train station,
Sun shades and mirrors reflecting new memories
And smiles; Hope is a seed for the heart,
We can take in our palms
Hold to our mouths and swallow.
I want a condition to bloom out of me,
That I witness the sunset and my mind
Finds peace in you, in my dreams, in
The toil of my hands. I want salvation
Like your laughter, like water pouring
Over me, like your eyes, brown seas
That pull me too deep, your patience
The anchor keeping me afloat.
The most tender part of my soul
Dwells on simple actions, makes memories
Of things that reek of déjà vu;
I know I haven’t met this moment,
And still all the same I know you, when
You hand me the ice-cream.
When I drive in silence and you recline
The seat, I am thinking of nothing,
Demanding no more from life
Than this moment with you.
Segun Agbaje is a half-Igbo, half-Yoruba writer, photographer and economist. He was born and raised in Lagos, where he currently lives. He still believes in Nigeria, and the existence of the good man, and the dignified toil.